The Malfoy Code of Conduct
by Taricorim
Summary: For centuries, this book has been the Malfoy bible, handed down through the hands of every Malfoy. It is The Malfoy Code of Conduct.
1. Foreword and letter

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Disclaimer: characters and situations belong to J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros. No copyright infringement is intended.

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A/N: **Dedicated to the good people of KOSHER (Slytherin forum at FAP), from whom this idea came**.

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The Malfoy Code of Conduct

Written by Icarus Malfoy, b. A. D. 330. Revised by Julius Malfoy, circa. 1882

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To Draco:

You are eight today. Fine time to begin learning how to act like a true Malfoy—those torture methods I showed you yesterday were just the beginning.

Malfoy isn't just a name. Being a Malfoy is in the way you walk, talk, and look down on others. Malfoys are patricians_, Draco; our purpose is to look down on the plebeian masses, and to do that, we must first learn how to rise above them._

My father, Caius Malfoy—your grandfather—gave this book to me on my eighth birthday, much as I am giving it to you today. For the past 1500 years, this book has been passed through the hands of Malfoys. For the rest of your life, this book will be your bible. The laws of the Ministry of Magic are second.

If, by chance, some misfortune befalls you and this book is harmed, you are expected to rewrite it at once. Do not worry about forgetting the content; I guarantee that you will have had this book committed to memory by Tuesday.

Read and remember, boy, and follow the rules. This book will teach you the steps to being a true Malfoy. No one will ever doubt your name; no situation will fail to subside. If all else fails, you can always quote the book at them; the confusion that follows will provide sufficient time for you to think of a better plan.

You will be given a test on the first two sections tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing: this book is charmed to bite, if you should choose to throw it down in frustration and disgust. I wouldn't try it if I were you—it hurts; I speak from person experience.

Your (lovingly) demanding father,

Lucius Malfoy

P.S. The book is also enchanted to spontaneously combust, set its surroundings on fire, and re-emerge from the ashes if you do not read it in three months.

P.P.S. Bad things will happen if you do not follow the rules.

P.P.P.S. Er... happy birthday, son.

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Table of Contents

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Section 1: of Birth and Death  
i. Requirements of birth  
ii. Acceptable circumstances of death  
iii. Procreating

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Section 2: of Food, Dress, and Shelter  
i. Acceptable food  
ii. Acceptable dress  
iii. Acceptable living standards

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Section 3: Business Conduct  
i. Regarding others  
ii. Regarding self

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Section 4: Leisure Conduct  
i. Foreword  
ii. Regarding others  
iii. Regarding self  
iv. Important note that deserves a Roman numeral of its own

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Section 5: Relating  
i. On platonic relationships  
ii. On 'romance'

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Section 6: of Enemies and Warring  
i. Ostensible treatment of enemies  
ii. Secretive treatment of enemies  
iii. Siding during wars

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Section 7: in Practising Magic  
i. Requirements  
ii. On dark magic

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In Closing


	2. Section 1: Of Birth and Death

_Disclaimer: I do not own Draco; I do not own Lucius; I do not own the Malfoy name. Those all belong to J. K. Rowling.... Nothing less than that genius mind could create the scrumptious basis of the Pimp Cane (TM). Other credits at the end._   
  


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**The Malfoy Code of Conduct  
Section 1: Of Birth and Death**  
By Taricorim

  
  
  
_i. Requirements of Birth  
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_Rule No. 1. Every Malfoy must have a suitably complicated and obscure name, preferably of Latin or Greek origin.  
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Names from history or mythology are acceptable only if they have suitably sinister and intimidating connotations. Every Malfoy is exactly unique by birthright, therefore it is important to remind the world of this fact. And what better way to do it than by giving the new-born Malfoy a unique, high-class name?  
  
_Rule No. 2. No Malfoy may be named 'Joy' or something similarly nauseating.  
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This, essentially, is an extension of rule #1, but it is so important that special attention must be given to it.  
  
_Rule No. 3. Heirlooms and money are your friends.  
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The ills that may befall a wealthy, high-profiled member of society! Bathing in luxuries everyday isn't all fun and games. There is no reason not to start training the Malfoy children in handling money at a young age--it can only be beneficial. Hence, each Malfoy should, at birth, be given a) a ridiculous amount of money with which to serve his every whim and b) a wealth of 'family heirlooms'. Ideally, the child should own nothing that _isn't_ a 'highly valuable heirloom'--not even a nappy. After all, what indicated an old, prestigious, mysterious family more than a hoard of valuables?  
  
Should the occasion arise that there rests no more objects to be given as heirlooms, do not hesitate to Apparate to the nearest high-end boutique and buy some. We suggest Regent Hall Inc., 128 Witchverly Hills, Hogsmeade--quality and sophistication for all the familiy! A few more heirlooms never hurt anyone.  
  
See section 4, category iv. for further extensions on this rule.  
  
  
_ii. Acceptable circumstances of death  
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_Rule No. 4. Malfoys do not die for honour; we die to spite honour.  
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Hence, no Malfoy may die in the following manners:  
  
- Valiantly in war  
- To avenge the death of the righteous  
- In aid of another, a non-Malfoy  
  
See section 5, category i. for further information on conduct of this form.  
  
_Rule No. 5. A Malfoy that renounces his family name shall die immediately.  
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Rather self-explanatory, really.  
  
Resistance is futile.  
  
  
_iii. Procreating  
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_Rule No. 6. Malfoys are made, not born.  
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Because Malfoys are such an important part of society, the continuity of the Malfoy line is vital. Furthermore, the calibre of the Malfoy line must be maintained--we wouldn't want to rob society of its best and most infulential members, after all.  
  
But it is important to note that every Malfoy child is a product of his father's making (not in that way, cretin).  
  
_Rule No. 7. A suitable mother is preferable.  
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Note the following characteristics when seeking a woman to further the Malfoy line:  
  
- Blonde  
- Tall  
- Aristocratic  
- Beautiful  
- Pureblood  
  
Everything else is perfectly optional. See section 5, category ii. for further requirements of the (recognised) Malfoy female.  
  
_Rule No. 8. The quality of the Malfoy line must be kept pure.  
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Therefore, practising safe and innocuous methods of disposing of... er... burdens is quite acceptable. Not that a Malfoy would ever use them, of course. And _do_ attempt to keep a leash on it, if only for the sake of the family name and purity. However, if you can avoid being discovered....   
  


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_A/N: Credit for the original idea of writing the code of conduct and rule #4 goes to K.O.S.H.E.R., located in the Slytherin forum of FictionAlley Park._


End file.
